I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!!

[sadprincess7]

I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: I met a guy about 5 months ago. He was really nice and I continued talking to him. We went on a few dates and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We continued seeing and calling each other all the time. He ended up introducing my cousin to his best friend. So, we started going on double dates. We are all in our early 20’s.

My boyfriend wanted to join the military and marry me. We were going to get married in a courthouse, but we decided to take a road trip to Las Vegas and get married there. One night we packed our things and got in my car and started driving. We took the longer route not knowing the GPS on my cell phone didn’t work correctly. We got really tired driving and I decided to stop at my Uncle’s house on the way to Las Vegas to freshen up. My boyfriend and I got really comfortable and didn’t leave my Uncle’s place the next day to get back on the road. We ended up staying longer than we were supposed to. My boyfriend needed to get back home by the end of the week. So, we made a change of plans and he told me that we would just get married in the courthouse back home and he would introduce me to his family.

Meanwhile, back at home his best friend was very upset that we left and he told my family that he was going to cut us off the road.. He said that he didn’t want us to get married. He even called my boyfriend’s mother and had her worried sick.

We finally got to my house and he went home.. A few weeks later he finally introduced me to his family. They were very nice and good to me.. Him and I were getting along great but he started changing his mind about getting married..He started text messaging and calling other girls in front of me at his house thinking that I didn’t know.
Then I saw him looking at women on Craig’s list and communicating with them through email and by phone.

My Uncle came down to visit my family and my boyfriend wanted him to fix his labtop. My Uncle spent two days on the laptop and my boyfriend was supposed to come back to go over what he did and my boyfriend never showed up. My Uncle and I got into a big argument. My boyfriend ended up calling me at 2am and asked me if I hated him.

One day, I was at his house and he left me there at 2:30am on a Friday night. He told me that he was going to a friend’s house and he would be right back. He left and I got really mad and starting packing my things. His mother was trying to tell him not to leave that what he was doing was disrespectful and he still left. I was going to call a taxi and stay at a hotel because I couldn’t use my car because it was in his Uncle’s shop getting repaired. His mother begged me to stay and said I was the best thing that ever happened to her son and she didn’t want me to give up on him. She kept calling him to come back home and he finally did 4 hours later. I didn’t want to speak to him or even go near him. He apologized to me and told me to never leave him again. He said that he loved me.

When my car was finally finished, I went home and told my mom everything that happened. She couldn’t believe it and told me I shouldn’t be with him. Even his Uncle told me that his nephew would continue to hurt me and I was wasting my time.

One day he called me and told me to come see him he was at the beach with his best friend and I told him that I had enough gas to get there but not enough gas to get back. He told me not to worry that he would take care of it. I drove 200miles from my house to get to the beach in the morning. When I arrived there he told me that he didn’t remember calling me that he was drunk. I was soo mad at him that I told him that there was no way I was going to leave. He said that he didn’t have any money and he was with his best friend and his best friend’s parents and he wasn’t going leave who he came with and said that I needed to go home. I was so devastated that I didn’t remember to ask him for gas money. I just got in my car and started driving. Then I got to the gas station and called him. He was yelling at me and telling me to beg someone for money. That I’m a pretty girl and he was sure someone would give me the money. I told him I wouldn’t do that and he said just be a beggar and be homeless. I couldn’t believe it.. I was in a state of shock.. He was not the same person that I remember meeting. I found one of my credit cards that had a small balance and I used it to get home. I told my mom what happened and she couldn’t believe it either. His mother continued to call me to not leave her son that she will talk to him and try to get us together next week.

So, he called me during the week very aggravated and with a very short temper. Then he started to tell me that he was sorry. He kept asking me what I was doing and where I was going. Then his mother kept calling me on Friday begging me to go to their house to go out with him and his family. I told my mom about It and she told me that I was a stupid fool to go back there and If I did she would pack her things and leave and trough all my stuff out in the yard. She was cursing at me and yelling at me. She made me soo mad that I ended up leaving. On the way there my Uncle called me and told me that he would never speak to me again if I went back..

I went there because I wanted to give my boyfriend one last chance. When I got there he was treating me fine. I needed his Uncle to finish some things on my car. We were on our way to the beach and my boyfriend’s grandmother started to say in the car that men like to tell a women that she is crazy until she believes she is crazy so the man can take her money. My boyfriend said that he was trying to do that to me.
In the car he continued to tell me that I was crazy over and over again. He also confessed that when he was at the beach the weekend before with his best friend and his family that he didn’t stay at the hotel the whole 6 days he ended up going to another city. When we got back to his house I told him and his family that my mom kicked me out of the house. He got soo upset and said it was too late that too many people were in our business. Then he started to be mean to me again. He would insult me in front of his family and friends. His grandmother told me that her grandson was going to continue hurting me that I need to stop seeing him.

While I was waiting for my car to be finished his mom and him wanted me to start looking for a job near there house and I could live there with them. I applied for some jobs there and went back home. I got a call back for one of the jobs and had an interview. I got a call from my boyfriend and I told him about the interview I was going to have the next day. He told me that he would call me the next day. So, the next day I went to the interview. After the interview I waited for his call and he never called me so I went back home. He called me the next day and I told him I was in his area for the interview and he got mad at me and said that I should have called him and went to his house. He said that he forgot about the interview.

At that point, I just felt that if he couldn’t remember that I had the interview that he had other things on his mind besides me. I had a second interview scheduled for the next day and decided not to go. I stopped calling him. I just had a very bad feeling about the whole thing that I didn’t want to continue to get hurt.

I did everything I could to help that guy. I helped him with his resume. I helped him find a job. I cooked and cleaned for him. I ironed his shirts. I helped his brother with his homework. I let him borrow money. I never cheated on him I was very honest with him. I did everything that I possibly could to make it work.

I just decided to stop talking to him and I walked away from the whole thing. Do you think I made the right decision?

[pebbles]

Dear Sad Princess,

I can imagine that there are a million different thoughts going through your head right now. It is difficult because you had to walk away from someone your obviously love and care about. However you walked away from a dangerous and extremely unhealthy situation. Your boyfriend has issues.I thank God that the two of you did not get married on the road trip as originally intended. I am guessing that your boyfriend is not having a close relationship with God at the moment because his behaviour is somewhat strange. He was demonstrating some abusive tendencies.

I will be praying that God will give you strength and courage during this time. I know it hurts so deep, I am presently in the middle of a divorce from a husband that I loved tremendously, but towards the end he treated me abominably. Sad Princess, ask God to guide you and give you strength, because you will need God's strength to avoid entangling yourself with your boyfriend again. Although it is lovely that his mom loved you and knew you were a good influence for her son. The fact of the matter is you don't get married because the mother in law likes you and is good to you, you are marrying the man. The sad thing you realize in relationships is that sometimes it does not matter how well you treat them how much you love them, how much you sacrifice for them there is no guarantee of how you will be treated in return

Pray and ask God what should be your next step as you distance yourself from this man. I would suggest that you get far far away. Perhaps send his mother a card saying sorry but I need to get away from this. Because I worry that even keeping in touch with his mom at this moment will constantly be a gateway to possibly drag you back into that mess. Move to a new city. Do not accept phone calls from his , do not accept emails from him. You may just want to write a letter to explain why you left and wish him well and therefore give closure to the relationship for both of you.

YOu made a tough but good decision. Hang in there cling to God real tight.

Take care love and hugs your way
Pebbles

[Bondservant]

ummm, short answer? YES!

Relationships require being able to make mature, unselfish decisions. My advice to you is to keep your heart pure for the husband God has picked out for you. Be patient, be in prayer and supplication to God's will in your life. Concentrate on getting your life on track (are you going to school at all?) Get a degree and take it slow.

I can tell you that there are many warning signs in this relationship. You were wise enough to walk away, please don't second guess that. But continue to be wise and don't rush into anything else.

God bless you sister,
Melissa

[sadprincess7]

Thanks for the advice!

[ozzie]

Sad Princess, your boyfriend didn't like you to need him, he wanted to be a victim. His mother wanted you to be his new mother, you weren't his mother but he sure seemed to want you to be.... one that he was rebelling against. It's better you let him alone - he needs a long long time to grow up and he looks like doing it the hard way, with many victims in his path.

It's nice to be loved & appreciated by people - but you don't have to hang around hurtful people to get appreciation. There are nicer people to get appreciation from and as a bonus you get to appreciate them at the same time, laugh more, share more & have a much better way to spend your time than picking the pieces up from an ungrateful hurtful person.

It's an amazing feeling to be with a man that is good to you and your'e good to him, it's exciting, new, fresh, alive and makes you feel good - not used. You get to grow together & appreciate one another. Look for a man that treats people like you would like to be treated.

I believe the 'narrow escape' you had (you didn't marry him), is a really big lesson. I really hope you take the lesson and run with it -- as far away from a husband like this as possible. Discover something new - what it's like to have a good relationship with a healthy person.

[Gentletouch]

Sadprincess, GOD loves you so much that HE guided you here to receive great and godly advice from godly women.

Please listen to their advice with your heart. Your mother, loving uncle and his grandmother told you what they perceived that you will go through if you ignore important signs of your future with him.

I cannot add anything more to what they have said but let you know that you will be in my prayer. GOD will give you your Prince-charming if you ask for him from our loving GOD at the time you are ready for him.

GOD bless you. "FATHER, I loose the feelings of Sadprincess to this young man who has been taking advantage of her sweet spirit. I bind her mind to the mind of CHRIST so that she would know what to say and do when this unkind guy and his mom get in touch with her to once again play with her emotions and feelings, in JESUS name, amen."

Gentletouch

[sadprincess7]

I want to thank all of you for the great advice. It was very helpful. It has been a very difficult time for me and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. God Bless all of you!!!! : )