Wisdom please.....

[windward]

Dear Lovelevi,

Here's the thing that I have done and I think women do: Our husbands or boyfriends do something that hurts us badly, thru either addiction or infidelity or abuse, and we choose, and I underline choose, to stay with them, sometimes because they ask us to, sometimes because we just love them and don't want to leave them, BUT, we also remind them in big and little ways of how they screwed up, especially when it seems like they're taking us for granted. In a way, we have a "You owe me" mentality. 'I didn't screw up. YOU screwed up. I would NEVER do what you did to me. I could have left you. I didn't. Therefore, you owe me (fill in the blank)"

I guess you have to ask yourself what if you had been the guilty party and had cheated - I know you wouldn't but what if you had gone off the rails and had an affair - and regretted it and your husband had not immediately kicked you out but had agreed to continue being married to you. Then imagine your husband doing or saying what you have been doing and imagine how it would be to be on the receivng end of it - would you be overwhelmed at the grace your hubby was extending to you, or would you think, man, I'm going to have to pay for this for the rest of my life.

The Lord says He casts our sins away as far as the east is from the rest and that He remembers them no more. Now, of course God remember everything, but the real translation of the Hebrew is He is not constantly bringing it to the forefront, He is not still holding it against us. Some people may disagree with me, but I think one of the reasons the Lord allows divorce in the case of infidelity is because it is so devastating and so hard to rebuild and forgive and trust again. I'm not in any way suggesting you two separate, but if you want to stay with him, then you have to not bring it up all the time because then he's going to feel like he's always going to have to pay, and that doesn't make for closeness.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I'm not minimizing it, but my husband is quick to point out to be that when I remind him of how he's failed me, it doesn't exactly make him feel warm and loving and appreciative of me. Just the opposite.

I'm in your corner and I'm praying for you - Hugs. Win.

[ozzie]

Great advice Win.

Lovelevi, I'd like to try and answer you question about 'giving it over to God'. I think as usual we are to go to scripture for the answer....so, our term for giving it over means in one way not being anxious or fretting, or holding the burden, or holding unforgiveness. There's many verses such as:
Philipians 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but by all prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to Him
Matthew 11.28 Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I'll give you rest.
1 Peter 5:7 Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Also there's something you can do too.. you can pray unceasingly, give thanks in everything, you can forgive, trust Him, boldly come to the throne of grace for Help, you can walk in love, obey His commands.

One thing that stands out is in James, which says we can ask for wisdom and He will give it to us.
James 1:5 If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.

James also explains the difference between the wisdom the world has compared with His wisdom.
James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering, and insincerity).

It's definitely not a boring life this narrow road of following Christ, is it? But it's the comfort of knowing He will walk with us every step.
Perservere in doing good Lovelevi, dear sister.

[lovelevi]

Thank you so much Win and Ozzie.

Can't wait to meet you all someday and thank you in person for your Godly wisdom and love.

Hugs,
amy

[findingthetruth]

Lovelevi, I haven't been on it awhile so I'm trying to do some catching up. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, I really don't have alot of words to say other than trust the Lord and pray, I know it's so hard trust me I know, I'm still really trying to work through so much stuff too, hang in there. I'll keep praying for you.

[lovelevi]

Thank you so much FindingtheTruth,

You are in my prayers too.

Hugs,
Amy

[Gentletouch]

Hi Sweetie, you knowI'm praying for you. The ladies have given you great advice. May I stress something? Do you know by heart the verses that Ozzie have mentioned? They are powerful and great weapons to slew down the giants of distrust, unforgiveness and all anxiety that you are having.

You know sweetie, I would have carried for you what you are feeling but all of us have a cross to bear and the only way we can do it is when we hid GOD's word in our hearts. There's no other way we can know GOD, trust GOD and know that what the word says is true not unless we know it by heart. I would suggest that you memorize the verses that Ozzie had posted and know also where you find it in the Bible. We might think that it is hard to memorize but when our intention is noble and pure the HS will help us to remember them in the time of trials and needs and that is where we can draw our strength and change of life that people will notice us. We will even be amazed of ourselves. Many will even come to us for advice and we become a great source of blessings to others when we know GOD's word by heart.

John 14:26 (New King James Version)
26. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.

I love you a lot sweetie. Try HIM. HE is true and faithful to HIS promises.

Gentletouch

[lovelevi]

Thank you so much GentleTouch.

I will memorize those verses. I know that through these past two years the Holy Spirit has brought to mind, many many times, verses that I have learned throughout my lifetime.

Thank you again for your love and kindness, most especially your prayers!

Hugs,
Amy

[Gentletouch]

Hi Sweetie, actually it goes deeper than just memorization of verses. Listen to what Win said:
"The Lord says He casts our sins away as far as the east is from the rest and that He remembers them no more. Now, of course God remember everything, but the real translation of the Hebrew is He is not constantly bringing it to the forefront, He is not still holding it against us. Some people may disagree with me, but I think one of the reasons the Lord allows divorce in the case of infidelity is because it is so devastating and so hard to rebuild and forgive and trust again. I'm not in any way suggesting you two separate, but if you want to stay with him, then you have to not bring it up all the time because then he's going to feel like he's always going to have to pay, and that doesn't make for closeness."

But I have more to say about GOD's commandments to us of how we should live our lives. Maybe one of our prayers also besides wisdom, is that GOD will take us deeper in how we should be in our relationship with HIM and others. I took this excerpt from the "I got a question/s. I think it is worth reading and I recommend it to all to read through the :"Jealousy of GOD" by Pastor Piper. This is what he said:

"You don't need to skip over large portions of the Bible saying, "Oh that's Jewish," or, "that's legalistic." All of it reveals the blessings that come from the grace of God to be enjoyed by the obedience that comes from faith in God. It is true that the form of that obedience may change from one period of redemptive history to another (for example: we don't make animal sacrifices since Christ has given himself for us; and we don't establish cities of refuge since the people of God is no longer a single ethnic, political group). But nevertheless the necessity of obedience for covenant keeping, the origin of obedience in the power of the Holy Spirit, the appropriation of that power through faith, the goal of obedience in the glory of God -- all these are the same in all God's covenants throughout the Bible.

I want us to be a people who love and understand the Scriptures. I want us to see its unified picture of God and experience its power. If, as we believe, this is the inspired Word of God, everyone of us should devote time and energy to search it and ponder it and study it and memorize it and pray over it and be changed by it -- all of it including the covenant of Moses.

But there is another reason why I have stressed that the covenant of Exodus 34 is not a covenant of works but is based on mercy. I wanted to make sure that we saw the jealousy of God in its true context.

God is not jealous like an insecure employer who fears that his employees might get lured away by a better salary elsewhere. God's jealousy is not the reflex of weakness or fear.

Instead God is jealous like a powerful and merciful king who takes a peasant girl from a life of shame, forgives her, marries her and gives her not the chores of a slave, but the privileges of a wife -- a queen. His jealousy does not rise from fear or weakness but from a holy indignation at having his honor and power and mercy scorned by the faithlessness of a fickle spouse.

The ten commandments are not a job description for God's employees. They are the wedding vows that the peasant girl takes to forsake all others and to cleave to the king alone and to live in a way that brings no dishonor to his great name."

In here, we are not giving a sermon to some one but we are encouraging each other. How would we like it if all our friends just say, "I will pray for you" not saying anything? I would think that they are shallow friends. They don't really care.

Gentletouch

[lovelevi]

thank you all so very much.

I do so appreciate your prayers and wisdom.

It has been a very hard few weeks but as long as I keep my eyes on the Lord I have such peace however when I look away it is awful!

Thanks again. You don't know how important and special you all are to me.

I will be praying for each one of you.

[PADIVAN]

So glad to hear from you...I think for me, I struggle when I get impatient and want to see the results NOW :-( Through the trial that we are in right now I am finding out just how impatient I am...that impatience really gets me off track! Uggggg!
Anyway, was reminded this weekend, after spending time with my parents, just how very BIG and AWESOME God's grace is and just how powerful the gospel is! My parents are examples of what the gospel can do in a person's life and marriage--and just what it can enable us to do and go through. It is a reminder to me how God's grace can handle any sin and any situation and really turn it around. The gospel message this weekend reminded me that God's love can fill my heart in a very supernatural way and enable me to love and forgive--anything! The things people do to us can leave devasting effects, but through God's incredible love and power--he can heal us and we can know the power of His ressurrection in our lives!
I am really praying for myself that I will keep the gospel central in my life in every decision I make, every feeling I have, every thought that crosses my mind. Lately the LORD is challenging me to reconsider any conclusions or interpretations of scriptures I have to make sure that they are consistent with the message of the gospel.

Many blessings to you!
Padi

[lovelevi]

Thank you dear padi.

You have given me such encouragement!